BY: Isaac Kyei Andoh
Instructions form a lady to her date.
Today is 21st September, 108 years ago when God gave Ghana, Africa and the World Dr Kwame Nkrumah.
A year ago, it was celebrated as Founder’s Day but President Akufo [ads1]Addo says Ghana is not a Fast Food Joint to be founded by one man and so he has smartly shifted the apostrophe between the r and s (Founder’s) that made Nkrumah the Sole Proprietor of Ghana and brought it after the s (Founders’) to include his Uncle J B Danquah and all those who contributed in no small way even if not as significant as Nkrumah to our Independence.
Today is not Founder’s Day or Founder’s Day, 4th August has been proposed: today is ‘Don’t Forget Nkrumah’s Day and therefore I won’t let the politics going on take the shine off the day even if NDC is reacting by crying more than the bereaved CPP and her cousin PNC.
To cut a long story short: I accepted your date request with a positive mind and a sheer desire to have fun and make the day a memorable one.
I know you have same objective to have fun but being a man and with my little experience with you guys, I wont be surprised if your dreams are streets wilder than mine.
This is why in effort to bring us in synchrony by way of expectations, I penciled, sorry, typed this piece to bring you to my level.
I know it is 21st and there’s little chance that you have been paid. It is even possible that the money for today’s date came from your savings or a loan but it is worth it as long as it is not your rent allowance (you know landlords and how they pretend not to understand anything that comes between the timely payment of the rent)
Today, I put aside my passion for feminism and take my rightful place as the woman. I am okay being the paid because you deserve to revel unrivaled in your seat as the payee (no competition).
As we go out though, remember we are out on a date and not a booty call.
No kiss, no smooching, no fondling or anything that licensed couples have the power and privilege to do.
We will hug twice: first when I meet you and when we get to the crossroad after the outing.
Please, if you find this mean, good search the meaning of dating and the terms and conditions that applies to it.
Going out with you today doesn’t mean I love you in a romantic way or want to start working on something with you.
It doesn’t mean I will accept your next date request even if this turns out to be the best outing of my life.
Accepting your date today simply means of all the friends who requested for my hand in chilling, you’re the one I feel will make it worth my time in line with my expectations for a date.
In view of this, today, I will be your best friend and be nice to you as I would to anyone I care about as a friend.
Please, don’t introduce me as your girlfriend because I am not.
We may dance but please keep your distance and be a gentleman.
If I twerk on the dance floor (though I’m not good at it), don’t interpret it as an invitation to come and hung on my behind like a coin to a magnet.
You don’t do that in Church when the ladies dance so keep the same discipline when we go out because this is just a date and not a booty call.
I turned down Nii Saki, Apoka and Sonny’s request because I felt that was their motive and accepted yours because you came across as a gentleman and your Facebook posts suggests you have good moral virtues.
Please, I don’t take alcohol or anything that is not for persons under 18 even though I am six years older than eighteen (I won’t mind bringing my birth-cert to confirm this)
Also, take note that I am not the kind of woman who treats sex as nothing: it means my heart, my love, my endless commitment and a decision to be with you for good and so it is not on a plate for you on just a date.
This is why even though I’m no more a virgin, I have made a decision to preserve myself and wait from the very day common sense downed on me.
Yes, you will spend and I might eat and drink to the net worth of your weekly spending.
It still means nothing but just a date and not a booty call.
My advice to you is that just be yourself: don’t try too hard to impress me. If you can’t afford a Taxi or Uber, let us go with the trotro and I will be fine. I won’t make demands, but whatever you give, I will accept in good faith.
After we are done having fun according to the above terms, don’t pressure me to go to your house or a guest house: I’m not that kind of woman.
I will give you your second and final hug for the day which wouldn’t last more than 3 seconds and leave quietly like the responsible virtuous lady I came.
Please, call me to confirm if you think this represent the exact date you have in mind or let call it a day if ‘wo be bo ka egu’
I mean let’s call it a day if you think you’d spend in vain.
I await your reply
Thank you
